Day 31: to a Great Marriage - Vow #3 'Til Death Do Us Part

Well, you made it! Day 31 is here and that means today is...

DAY 31: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #3 'Til Death Do Us Part
This final wedding vow: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward...'til death do us part.

To have (you are the one I will go through life with forever)
To hold (embrace & cling to every day of our lives)
From this day forward (beginning now) and until...
'Til Death Do Us Part

It's what we all want, right? "And they lived happily ever after." Of course, there are situations where wedding vows are broken and divorce happens. This was the case with my mother and father. Both of them came from very dysfunctional families. There was a lot of abuse that they both experienced, and they entered into their marriage both broken people. Mix that with two wars my father was part of, a very sick child (my older sister contracted encephalitis at the age of 2 and was hospitalized until her adult years), well...you get the picture.

But, real life situations like this and others, do not mean divorce is imminent. As a matter of fact, I agree with marriage expert, Jimmy Evans, author of "When Life Hurts" and "Lifelong Love Affair" at marriagetoday.com that anyone can have a marriage that gets better, no matter what life throws at them...if they will let God help them work through the pain. He says, we have to deal with pain the right way, and that left to our own devices we always deal with it in the wrong way.

Evans' insights into Untreated Wounds and Inner Vows are very good, and I believe that if my parents had had resources such as these there could have been a different outcome for them.

Marriage is the longest contractual agreement (commitment) we will ever make or have. And we can be successful in keeping it...'til death do us part'...with the right help from good, reliable sources such as I've included each day of our 31 Days to a Great Marriage together...and from God.

So, today set up a time to reaffirm your love vows to each other, in some way. You can make it a big affair, (some couples renew their vows on their anniversary), or it can be an intimate time with the two of you simply telling each other of your love for one another, again.

I hope you will use/revisit these 31 Days to a Great Marriage ideas and suggestions from 'this day forward.' If you've been with me throughout this time, you have seen the results and benefits...which can only continue to increase as you apply them to, and invest in, your marriage. If you do, I am confident that you will have a Great Marriage...that will last a lifetime.

Congratulations!

I'd love to hear from you about your journey via email @ sharon@changingworldviews.com.

Thanks for traveling on this journey with me (and Duane)  :)

 

 

Day 29: to a Great Marriage - Vow #1 For Better or for Worse

Okay only a couple of days to go on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage journey!
And as we looked at on Day 28 -- we're going to focus on our Wedding Vows for the remaining days.

Today the focus is...

DAY 29: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #1 For Better or for Worse

No matter if you recited traditional vows at your wedding, or your own vows, the first promise to focus on is the one that expresses: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse.

I love the "to have and to hold" part & "from this day forward" as it relates to "for better or for worse."

To have (you are mine)
To hold (embrace, cling to)
From this day forward (beginning now and for forever)
For better or for worse (no matter what comes our way)

This is the test of commitment. Everyone can do 'for better'; but -- 'for worse'?

But, 'better or worse' is not the real focus. "I take you...to have and to hold...from this day forward," is the focus. These are the words that are the cemented foundation for all the words (vows) that follow.

It's like when I got my driver's license years ago. I decided ahead of time that every time I come to a red light I will stop. Period. That meant that I wouldn't have to decide every time I came to a red light whether I was going to stop or not. Decision already made.

It's the same with our wedding vows. Decision made ahead of time.

So, today, individually and as a couple reflect on the above, and assess whether your attitude and/or commitment needs refurbishing, (to make clean, bright, or fresh again; renovate).

As we talked about on Day 2: Check Your Feelings, if you find yourself weaker in your commitment, there's a reason or reasons. Today is the day to begin to look at them and then work on doing whatever you need to do to remedy the situation.

After all, this is part of the 'for better or for worse' vow you made. And it may take some time. That's okay! Refurbishing always takes some time...but the end result is worth it.

You might find Gary Smalley's ER4Love helpful.

Until tomorrow :)

Day 22: to a Great Marriage - Agree on Finances

I know, I know...finances, ugh! Who likes to budget? Who wants to create a budget? Or really...who likes to stay on a budget? Very few of us, right?

Oh, we may love starting off with a resolve to watch what we spend, to use wisdom rather than impulse, but like dieting, it's hard to stay with it....however, not impossible.

Therefore, since finances are the #1 thing that couples fight over...we need to include this in our 31 Days to a Great Marriage, right? right :)

But first, how did Day 21 -- Assess Where You're At go? This step is one you'll want to revisit often. Once a month would be ideal.

Okay, back to today...

DAY 22: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Agree on Finances
This may be an area that you and your husband have down pat, and you deserve kudos for that! But, maybe you are a couple that struggles, not just to pay the bills, but to discipline yourselves to stay within your means, whether you budget is written down or not.  

Over the years Duane and I have gone to seminars on budgeting; we've consulted a financial planner; we've made out our will and updated it (more on that another Day); and have even taught and written about family finances. But, here are a few resources by others that I'd like to recommend to help you in this area:

1. Dave Ramsey - lots of really good advice and resources
2. Crown Finances - established by Larry Burkett
3. Follow the Money with Jerry Robinson (I've had him on my radio show several times)
4. The SavyDuo - just found this site, looks good

So today, begin to address your finances together, utilizing the above resources if needed. It may take several months to get into agreement, because finances can be a tension-raiser, but stick with it, work toward it, using the things you've learned about communicating in respectful and loving ways.

That's it for today!

See you tomorrow.

Day 21: to a Great Marriage - Assess Where You're At

Congratulations! You've made it through 3 weeks, and that's fantastic!  There's a long held principle that 21 Days of doing anything creates a new habit or change. But more on that in a minute.

How did Day 20 -- Pray Together go? I hope you took a little time to read some of the articles and resources available on this subject, whether praying together is already something you do, or not. Good stuff.

Okay, for today...

DAY 21: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Assess Where You're At

There's some controversy over the 'science' of sticking to a new goal for 21 days to gain a new habit or changed behavior. It started probably in the '70's with the book, "Psycho-Cybernetics."

But, whether it takes 21 days or 31 days or 101 days or longer, this is true -- when you stay with a goal; when you continue to invest in the things you value -- change does occur.

There's even an App to help you track and encourage you in your resolve. Check out HabitForge :)

You know that whether it's a diet you're on or a fitness program you've started, or any other 'new thing' you are putting into practice, that assessing how you are doing/where you are at is an important part in realizing success in the endeavor. And that is what today's suggestion is all about.

I have to admit it, I am a list person...it's the only way I can keep all the balls in the air. It helps me remove all the 'have to dos' from my brain and be free to give the attention I need to whatever is at hand.

So, today is the day to go over the list of the past 20 Days to see how you're doing, (you might want to print it out) over a cup of coffee or tea (mine is a Chai Latte), and assess how you've done. Check off the things you've done; highlight the things you haven't done yet; and then resolve to do those today, or if there are several, this week, to catch up.

No worries where you are at...today is a new day and a fresh opportunity to pick it up again. As Duane likes to remember me, when I need encouragement in continuing to press forward on a goal like dieting or fitness, "It's not where you've been, it's where you're going, that counts."

You've been investing in your marriage over the past 3 weeks, and anything that you've done to plant good things will bear fruit.

That's it! Assess and press on! :)

And I'll see you tomorrow.