Day 11: to a Great Marriage - Date Your Mate!

If you have been following along on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage adventure, especially Day 10 - and Day 9 -- Take Time for Yourself, then you are hopefully finding a new sense of the importance of 'us' time together. A regular date night is one of the things Duane and I have found to be 'just what the doctor ordered' at the end of a long week.

We were told by our doctor years ago, because of our very busy schedules and work loads, that we should be taking 10 days off for a vacation every 3 months. I remember thinking, "what? are you kidding me? who has that kind of time (or money)?" Well, we have not been able to follow those instructions, though we do try to vacation every summer and work in a few short stay-cations' a year, but, we have found weekly date nights to be some of the 'medicine' we need. :)

So, I want to encourage you to consider doing the same... 

DAY 11: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Date Your Mate!

Of course everyone's schedule is different, with kids and everything, but the first thing you and your spouse should do is decide to make Date Night a priority, and then schedule them in on your calendar each week, and then do them.

This may also require looking at your budget for babysitting money, as well as the cost of the date itself, but Date Night does not have to cost a lot of money. Again, The Happy Wives Club, have some ideas, and a great article on the 'benefits' of dating your mate at GoodNewsFl.

So, that's it! Talk with your spouse, mark your calendars, and if you can...start tonight! Friday night is our Date Night, and I'll be thinking about you...and praying that your date night will be just what the Great Physician has ordered just for you two :)

 

Day 4: to a Great Marriage - Reminisce Together

It's Day 4!

How did you do with Day 3? to start having more fun together with your husband:
#1 little fun things every day;
#2 a couple of planned fun things this month.

If you haven't done it yet I want to encourage you to not skip this one. You deserve to carve out some fun time together after long days and long weeks filled with responsibilities. So, get out that calendar and plan 2 or 3 fun activities just for you and your husband to do together this month, that you both really like to do. And turn up the creative fun juices a little every day.

Okay, so now we start to use the power of reminiscing....

DAY 4: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Reminisce Together
On Day 1 you were to make a list of 31 things about your husband that made you fall in love with him in the first place, and begin to tell him one of them from your list every day. Hopefully that is starting to bear some fruit, and today's encouragement to reminisce will build on that. To reminisce means to simply recall, remember, look back, recollect.

So, beginning today, and few times a week throughout this month carve out a little time together after dinner and the kids are in bed, or when you're driving in the car together, et al., and bring up a fond memory you have about the day you met, your first date, your wedding day, your honeymoon, and then ask him what one of his fondest memories is -- and voila! you're reminiscing together.

Duane and I have been doing this for awhile, and not just about our wedding, etc., such as fun vacations; memorable Christmas trips (this is one we enjoy talking about because when the boys were little we would often make the trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with his parents. The drive in the car, though filled with lots of "how long until we're there?" were fun, and bring up fond memories for all of us.

You can also use the months or seasons, ie October; football season, to remember and reminisce about the good times of your lives together.

Adding the power of reminiscing together with your husband (as well as with the children at other times) helps relieve the effects of life's day-to-day responsibilities, stresses and tensions.

And if you need a little more convincing as to the value of doing this, look at what this study found about the stress-reducing effects of just looking at old photos!

For those who want to 'catalog' your shared memories, you can even record your memories; then in a few years, listen to them together, just another way to reminisce. We did this with the boys, and have had loads of laughs, and tears, as we've played tapes of our conversations as a family. Hearing their voices at age two and five and ten, now that they are grown, well, there's nothing else like it.

Doing today's suggestion, and the others on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage, will add fun and joy and draw your hearts closer.

 

Day 2 to a Great Marriage - Check Your Feelings

Hi everyone!

So, before we get to today, how did you do with Day 1?

Did you make your list of 31 wonderful things about your husband that made you fall in love with him in the first place? Did you tell him one of them yesterday? And today? If not, that's okay, just start today by telling him two things.

Now, I can't ask you to do something I'm not doing along with you, so for the record, here are a few from my list about Duane:

1.       His enthusiasm for life!

2.       His big dreams

3.       His romancing me 

4.       His tenderness

5.       His handsome looks

6.       His encouragement to be/do all I was created to be
7.       His love for and loyalty to God

I'd love to read some from your list (so please feel free to post them below).

Okay, now for today...

DAY 2: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Check Your Feelings

Making yesterday's list was intended to bring up lots of good memories and with them good feelings, but it can also bring up any bad feelings you may have...for instance, resentment that has developed over the years about something(s).

This is a good thing, believe it or not!  Why? Because it shows you some of the baggage you have to unpack as you venture forth on this path to a great marriage.

And here is some simple, bottom-line information that has helped me, and others I have been privileged to able to share it with...

Feelings come from thoughts...and thoughts come from beliefs.

Whether you have a good feeling or a bad feeling, it springs from a thought (or an attitude, which is the result of many thoughts about the same thing). And when you connect the feeling to the thought and/or attitude that generated it, you can then identify the 'belief' behind it.

It is true that what we BELIEVE about something, determines what we THINK about it, and thus 'FEEL' about it.

For instance, if I believe I am unattractive (ie "since I've had the baby; or since I've gotten older; or since I've gained weight"), then I will think things such as, "I can't wear a bathing suit in public; my skin is so wrinkled; he's probably not attracted to me like this." These thoughts will then illicit bad or sad feelings.

This, of course, goes for how you feel (think & believe) about others as well.

So, beginning today, and throughout the rest of these 31 days  - Check your feelings. Now, don't overdo it - or you'll develop a paralysis of analysis! Instead, let your feelings be clues to what you really believe about yourself (which affects your marriage), and about your husband.

Write these 'clues' down; and ask God for help. He said, "The truth shall set you free." And when we are free, everything gets better.

It might look something like this...

"I'm feeling ______________ right now, and it stems from thinking about _______________________."

Then ask yourself why you think this:  

"Because when _________________________ happened I thought/it made me feel_______________________ and I began to believe____________________________.

 

Ask yourself, are those beliefs true? In other words, on the truth? If so, you probably need to forgive. If not, then you need to replace what's not true (false thoughts/attitudes/beliefs about them) with the truth.

Negative feelings merely reveal unfinished business that needs to be taken care of as suggested above. And let me just say, it's worth it.

*Please Note: For deep hurts that still exist as a result of things such as the wounding of adultery, it will take a deeper work. You can forgive, but still need healing. So, don't fear addressing deep hurts or getting some help. God wants you to be whole, and He will help you if you ask Him.

Day 1 to a Great Marriage - Make a List

Hi everyone,

How fun is this?

Nesting Place is holding its 31 Days 2013, and this is my contribution.

After many years of marriage my husband and I have learned a few things about what can not only make marriage a life-long blessing, but help a husband and wife get through some of the greatest challenges, greatest adventures, greatest heartaches, and just plain life experiences we all go through, and have them work together for good. This has been the case for Duane and I, and I'd love to share some of them with you.

So, let's begin today with...

DAY 1: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Start at the Beginning & Make a List

No, not a list of what needs to change - but a list of (31) wonderful things about your husband that made you fall in love with him in the first place.

And then, beginning today, and every day this month, tell him one of them from your list (either text it, call him, write a note and leave it where he drops his keys when he gets home from work, etc....be creative).

It might sound or read something like this...

Honey, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about how much I appreciate/love _____________________about you. And I'm so glad we got married ___ years ago! xoxox Me

No matter where your marriage is now on the scale of 'great,' this will not only help you remember why you fell in love with your husband; but it will be a balm to his day, (who doesn't feel better after hearing that they are appreciated and loved?) and jog his own memories; starting you both on the path to remembering why you chose to go through life together, and recapturing that first love afresh.

Who knows where this, and the next 30 days, will lead. (wink, wink)