Day 26: to a Great Marriage - Give Time

How did Day 25 go? -- Initiate Intimacy. It definitely communicates your love in big ways.

So, today's focus is...

DAY 26: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Give Time

Just as Giving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, so does giving Quality Time communicate love to your spouse, especially if that is their main Love Language. We talked about these on Day 7, Day 14, Day 23 and Day 24, and you can hear my interview Dr. Gary Chapman on my radio (see 2/14/11) about his book(s) on the 5 Love Languages.

For some people, those with this love language, Quality Time makes them feel most loved.

Dr. Chapman at his website writes:

"Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. For some people, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved. Is it possible that your spouse’s primary love language is quality time?

Listen for Clues

Quality time is a powerful emotional communicator of love. One medicine does not cure all diseases. Just as one love language does not communicate emotionally to all people. If you give your spouse affirming words; If you express love by acts of service; If you touch them affectionately; and they still complain, “You don’t ever have time for me. We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired,” they are telling you that their primary love language is quality time.

 

Tips for Keeping the Love Tank Full

"I want to conclude by giving you four tips on how to have a quality conversation with your spouse:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.

2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”

4. Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”

Such active listening will fill the love tank of the person whose primary love language is quality time.

 
So, today Give the Gift of Time. That's it!

And I'll see you tomorrow,

 

Day 24: to a Great Marriage - Give Gifts

Hi everyone!

How did Day 23 -- Touch, go? Keep it up, because the results are nothing but good, even if doing it more is awkward at first.

Today's focus is...

DAY 24: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Give Gifts

Following on the theme of the 5 Love Languages we talked about on Day 7, Day 14 and yesterday, and you can hear my interview Dr. Gary Chapman on my radio (see 2/14/11) about his book(s) on the 5 Love Languages....today the focus is on Giving Gifts.

For some people, those with this love language, receiving gifts makes them feel most loved.

Let's stop here for a minute and think about what we've been talking about regarding the love languages in case you haven't read the book(s). In a nut shell, for a myriad of reasons each individual 'feels' most loved by expressions of love that 'speak their love language.' It could be that his family 'spoke' that language to him; or it could be that they didn't in which case there is a deficit...which you can be a part of filling. Whatever the reason(s), what's most important is that you learn your spouse's love language and speak it to them, often.

Dr. Chapman goes into great detail on why and how it all works, and I highly recommend reading his books on the subject, or listening to his podcasts on it, or getting his DVDs.

So, today give your hubby a gift...something he would like, big or small. And include a note, "For no reason other than I love you."

Whether Receiving Gifts is his love language or not, the results can't be anything but good :)

Day 23: to a Great Marriage - Touch

Hi everyone!

How did Day 22 -- Agree on Finances? I know this isn't something you can do in a day...but yesterday was the day to start looking at how your can come together more in this HUGE area of life...finances>

Today the focus is on...

DAY 23: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Touch

As we talked about the 5 Love Languages on Day 7 and Day 14 and that it was my privilege to interview Dr. Gary Chapman on my radio (see 2/14/11) about his book(s) on the 5 Love Languages...

Another one of the 5 Love Languages is to touch or be affectionate. Believe it or not, men like (non-sexual) affection, too, even if they are not necessarily good at initiating it.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, physical touch is only one of the five ways people communicate and receive emotional love, and some people speak it more loudly than others.














And if your husband's love language is affection - nothing speaks more deeply to him than appropriate touch.

Check out "Don't Allow Touch Deprivation Creep into Your Marriage" - here's little from the article...

"Nonsexual touch is extremely important. Even men need to be hugged, kissed and enjoyed physically by their wives. Did you grow up without any of your physical intimacy needs being met? Many people do. If so, you may have a deficit in the area of physical touch, as well as a skewed perception of the value of physical touch."

 

And as E.E. Kane at LifeScript writes about this:

"The importance of physical touch in marriage may also play a medicinal role, since touch has been shown to reduce stress and relieve pain. A healthy relationship, which includes physical contact between a husband and wife, can be the most bonding, emotionally intimate experience in life.

"They will not continue to ask for physical touch, or make an effort, if they know there is a good chance of being turned away, or even made to feel ashamed of their efforts. No husband likes to be called a pervert, and no woman likes to be thought of as desperate or clingy.

"This little scenario puts the marriage on slippery ice. If one spouse has a huge need for affection, but he or she is not getting it from the other spouse, where will he turn? He might get some affection from children, family, or friends, but his emotional “love tank” (Dr. Chapman’s term) will not be filled. Without physical touch, that spouse is then extremely vulnerable to falling for someone else who will meet his needs."  READ THE REST

So, beginning today make a conscience effort to touch and be more affectionate with your husband on a regular basis. There's so many good reasons to do so!