Well, how did you do yesterday with Day 14 -- Use Affirming Words? It is probably one of the best things you can do not just for your marriage, but for your life!
Okay, today's suggestion for a Great Marriage is to...
DAY 15: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Find the Happy Spot!
“For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.” ―Stephanie Perkins
When it comes to marriage, the above statement says alot. When you are happy in marriage it doesn't matter where you live, or what kind of house you live in, how much money you have to decorate and buy new furniture with, et al., because your house is not your home. You are going through life with someone you love and who loves you, and (as the plaque in my kitchen says) "Love is a beautiful place to live."
Now, lest I sound totally Pollyanna, let me add that, sad to say it can take years before a couple realizes this truth. But, it doesn't have to. Happiness in marriage results from going through ALL of life together, lovingly, and the resultant "Happy Spot" can be realized any time. Check this out - 10 "Things Happy Couples Do Differently"...
1. They make plenty of time for each other.
2. They don’t beat around the bush.
3. They meet in the middle and work together.
4. Their actions consistently backup their claims of love.
5. They respect each other’s humanness.
6. They focus on what they like about each other.
7. There is far more between them than physical attraction.
8. They resolve conflicts through love, not retaliation.
9. They open up to each other, especially in trying times.
10. They are committed to growing together.
The author has some good things to say about each point, and wraps up with...
"The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end. And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way."
So, for today go over the list of "10 Things Happy Couples Do Differently" together and discuss how you are doing in each area and what you need to do to find the "Happy Spot."
And we can't talk about becoming a happy couple without pointing out again that the happiest couples are the ones that have God central in their marriages -- which gives them a real edge on finding the "Happy Spot." (for more on this See Day 13)
Thanks!
Congratulations! You've made it through two weeks - and only have two weeks to go on this journey toward a Great Marriage. So glad you have continued with me.
Hopefully you were able to do Day 13's suggestion -- Worship Together, and found the statistics interesting and helpful. If attending church is foreign to you and your family, at least I hope you will keep it in mind and consider the incredible benefits for your marriage, family and you personally. Church gets such a bad rap today in our post-modern culture, but there are a lot of good churches out there and I encourage you to at least give it a try.
Okay, today's suggestion for a Great Marriage is to...
DAY 14: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Use Affirming Words
We talked about the 5 Love Languages on Day 7 and that it was my privilege to interview Dr. Gary Chapman on my radio (see 2/14/11) about his book(s) on the 5 Love Languages.
And one of the 5 Love Languages is to use affirming words. We've already instituted using good words in several of the days leading up to today, and if you are employing the suggestions you are beginning to reap the benefits -- your husband is being blessed, and he is reciprocating!
Today, we want to become more conscience of our words. Basically, using affirming words is to FOCUS on the good. We all know this is a good thing to do, but the rigors of life's challenges can find us thinking, then dwelling, then developing a negative mindset. Easy to do.
As a matter of fact, human beings have a built-in bent toward negative thinking - check this out by Norman Wright on How to Speak Your Spouse's Language.
But! we CAN CHOOSE what we will think...and speak.
So, beginning today make a conscience effort to consciously use affirming words with your husband, and stop yourself from using non-affirming words -- nagging words; critical words, negative words, etc. -- from now on.
It's not easy, and you'll not do it perfectly, but you can dramatically change the way you speak, by consciously choosing your words. And not just with your husband, but with your kids, too. Not only will this radically change the environment in your home, but with time it will help change the way everyone in the family talks. Really.
Plus, you'll find out quickly by the responses if your husband's love language is, indeed, Words of Affirmation.
The bible tells us that there is the power of life and death in the tongue...today we start fresh by choosing life-giving words.
It's Day 4!
How did you do with Day 3? to start having more fun together with your husband:
#1 little fun things every day;
#2 a couple of planned fun things this month.
If you haven't done it yet I want to encourage you to not skip this one. You deserve to carve out some fun time together after long days and long weeks filled with responsibilities. So, get out that calendar and plan 2 or 3 fun activities just for you and your husband to do together this month, that you both really like to do. And turn up the creative fun juices a little every day.
Okay, so now we start to use the power of reminiscing....
DAY 4: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Reminisce Together
On Day 1 you were to make a list of 31 things about your husband that made you fall in love with him in the first place, and begin to tell him one of them from your list every day. Hopefully that is starting to bear some fruit, and today's encouragement to reminisce will build on that. To reminisce means to simply recall, remember, look back, recollect.
So, beginning today, and few times a week throughout this month carve out a little time together after dinner and the kids are in bed, or when you're driving in the car together, et al., and bring up a fond memory you have about the day you met, your first date, your wedding day, your honeymoon, and then ask him what one of his fondest memories is -- and voila! you're reminiscing together.
Duane and I have been doing this for awhile, and not just about our wedding, etc., such as fun vacations; memorable Christmas trips (this is one we enjoy talking about because when the boys were little we would often make the trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with his parents. The drive in the car, though filled with lots of "how long until we're there?" were fun, and bring up fond memories for all of us.
You can also use the months or seasons, ie October; football season, to remember and reminisce about the good times of your lives together.
Adding the power of reminiscing together with your husband (as well as with the children at other times) helps relieve the effects of life's day-to-day responsibilities, stresses and tensions.
And if you need a little more convincing as to the value of doing this, look at what this study found about the stress-reducing effects of just looking at old photos!
For those who want to 'catalog' your shared memories, you can even record your memories; then in a few years, listen to them together, just another way to reminisce. We did this with the boys, and have had loads of laughs, and tears, as we've played tapes of our conversations as a family. Hearing their voices at age two and five and ten, now that they are grown, well, there's nothing else like it.
Doing today's suggestion, and the others on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage, will add fun and joy and draw your hearts closer.
