Day 31: to a Great Marriage - Vow #3 'Til Death Do Us Part

Well, you made it! Day 31 is here and that means today is...

DAY 31: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #3 'Til Death Do Us Part
This final wedding vow: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward...'til death do us part.

To have (you are the one I will go through life with forever)
To hold (embrace & cling to every day of our lives)
From this day forward (beginning now) and until...
'Til Death Do Us Part

It's what we all want, right? "And they lived happily ever after." Of course, there are situations where wedding vows are broken and divorce happens. This was the case with my mother and father. Both of them came from very dysfunctional families. There was a lot of abuse that they both experienced, and they entered into their marriage both broken people. Mix that with two wars my father was part of, a very sick child (my older sister contracted encephalitis at the age of 2 and was hospitalized until her adult years), well...you get the picture.

But, real life situations like this and others, do not mean divorce is imminent. As a matter of fact, I agree with marriage expert, Jimmy Evans, author of "When Life Hurts" and "Lifelong Love Affair" at marriagetoday.com that anyone can have a marriage that gets better, no matter what life throws at them...if they will let God help them work through the pain. He says, we have to deal with pain the right way, and that left to our own devices we always deal with it in the wrong way.

Evans' insights into Untreated Wounds and Inner Vows are very good, and I believe that if my parents had had resources such as these there could have been a different outcome for them.

Marriage is the longest contractual agreement (commitment) we will ever make or have. And we can be successful in keeping it...'til death do us part'...with the right help from good, reliable sources such as I've included each day of our 31 Days to a Great Marriage together...and from God.

So, today set up a time to reaffirm your love vows to each other, in some way. You can make it a big affair, (some couples renew their vows on their anniversary), or it can be an intimate time with the two of you simply telling each other of your love for one another, again.

I hope you will use/revisit these 31 Days to a Great Marriage ideas and suggestions from 'this day forward.' If you've been with me throughout this time, you have seen the results and benefits...which can only continue to increase as you apply them to, and invest in, your marriage. If you do, I am confident that you will have a Great Marriage...that will last a lifetime.

Congratulations!

I'd love to hear from you about your journey via email @ sharon@changingworldviews.com.

Thanks for traveling on this journey with me (and Duane)  :)

 

 

Day 30: to a Great Marriage - Vow #2 For Richer for Poorer / In Sickness & in Health

Only a couple of days to go on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage journey!

As we said yesterday on Day 29 -- we're focusing on our Wedding Vows for the last few days, and that means today is...

DAY 30: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #2 For Richer for Poorer / In Sickness & in Health

Whether you recited traditional vows at your wedding, or your own vows, the next promise expresses: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Years of experiencial-knowledge have helped to hone the elements of traditional marriage vows, capturing the most important areas that will need a pledged commitment; which are reflected in most other wedding vows, too. And Finances and Health are two such areas.

To have (you are the one I will go through life with)
To hold (embrace & cling to in everything we go through)
From this day forward (everyday from now) including...
For Richer for Poorer / In Sickness & in Health


As we talked about on Day 22 - Agree on Finances -- Finances are at the top of the list of the causes for arguments and strain in a marriage. That's why your commitment... allegiance, fidelity, constancy, dedication, devotedness, faithfulness, loyalty, steadfastness... made on the day you said "I do," must be taken seriously when it comes to money (and health) -- throughout your marriage.

Very few have a continually easy road when it comes to finances, ie no worries about debt, paying the bills, etc. That means that finances will try both of you at some point, and to varying degrees, guaranteed. But, the more you structure your attitudes around your commitment, the smoother the ride will be.

If finances are an area of difficulty in your marriage, I suggest you go back over Day 22 and utilize the resource links listed there. Do whatever you need to do to get on the same page with your spouse in your finances; and that may include getting some professional financial help.

Sickness, prolonged, can put tremendous strain on a family and marriage. But, it can also be an opportunity to express your committed love (including attitude) in very tangible ways.

It always shocks (and grieves) me to hear of stories, for instance, of men who leave their wives when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. There's so much I could say about that, but won't, except that it makes the case that sickness tests commitment.

That's why our wedding, the whole event, leads to and centers around those few moments when we verbalize our commitment to each other before family, friends and God.... witnesses to our vows who will also be witnesses to our commitment.

So, today, individually and as a couple reflect on the above thoughts, and assess where your attitude and/or commitment may need refurbishing, (to make clean, bright, or fresh again; renovate).

And you might want to check out DaleandJena.com for their "Let's Get Real" marriage video resources and more. They even have Bible Studies for couples on really real issues.

So, that's it! See you tomorrow for Day 31!

 

Day 22: to a Great Marriage - Agree on Finances

I know, I know...finances, ugh! Who likes to budget? Who wants to create a budget? Or really...who likes to stay on a budget? Very few of us, right?

Oh, we may love starting off with a resolve to watch what we spend, to use wisdom rather than impulse, but like dieting, it's hard to stay with it....however, not impossible.

Therefore, since finances are the #1 thing that couples fight over...we need to include this in our 31 Days to a Great Marriage, right? right :)

But first, how did Day 21 -- Assess Where You're At go? This step is one you'll want to revisit often. Once a month would be ideal.

Okay, back to today...

DAY 22: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Agree on Finances
This may be an area that you and your husband have down pat, and you deserve kudos for that! But, maybe you are a couple that struggles, not just to pay the bills, but to discipline yourselves to stay within your means, whether you budget is written down or not.  

Over the years Duane and I have gone to seminars on budgeting; we've consulted a financial planner; we've made out our will and updated it (more on that another Day); and have even taught and written about family finances. But, here are a few resources by others that I'd like to recommend to help you in this area:

1. Dave Ramsey - lots of really good advice and resources
2. Crown Finances - established by Larry Burkett
3. Follow the Money with Jerry Robinson (I've had him on my radio show several times)
4. The SavyDuo - just found this site, looks good

So today, begin to address your finances together, utilizing the above resources if needed. It may take several months to get into agreement, because finances can be a tension-raiser, but stick with it, work toward it, using the things you've learned about communicating in respectful and loving ways.

That's it for today!

See you tomorrow.