Hi everyone!
How did Day 24 -
- Give Gifts, go? Bet he was pleasantly surprised. Who doesn't like a surprise!
Okay, so today's focus is...
DAY 25: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Initiate Intimacy
One way to make your husband feel loved is to initiate intimacy. Yes, they are usually the pursuer, but they like to be pursued as well. ** It communicates in big ways, and if you are looking for new ideas, The Happy Wives Club has some.
So today (tonight), Initiate Intimacy with your husband! Just think of it as a good investment in your marriage.
That's it!
**For wives who may have some issues with sexual intimacy, you are not alone, many women do, especially if they have been violated in the past; have had a skewed idea about sex upbringing, etc. In that case here are some good resources to help you, find healing and liberty in this area with your husband. It is a gift from God to be enjoyed; and that is a vital part of having a great marriage.
1. Women & Intimacy - Dr. James Dobson
2. Intimate Issues
3. Authentic Intimacy
4. American Association of Christian Counselors
Hi everyone!
How did Day 22 -
- Agree on Finances? I know this isn't something you can do in a day...but yesterday was the day to start looking at how your can come together more in this HUGE area of life...finances>
Today the focus is on...
DAY 23: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Touch
As we talked about the 5 Love Languages on Day 7 and Day 14 and that it was my privilege to interview Dr. Gary Chapman on my radio (see 2/14/11) about his book(s) on the 5 Love Languages...
Another one of the 5 Love Languages is to touch or be affectionate. Believe it or not, men like (non-sexual) affection, too, even if they are not necessarily good at initiating it.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, physical touch is only one of the five ways people communicate and receive emotional love, and some people speak it more loudly than others.
And if your husband's love language is affection - nothing speaks more deeply to him than appropriate touch.
Check out "Don't Allow Touch Deprivation Creep into Your Marriage" - here's little from the article...
"Nonsexual touch is extremely important. Even men need to be hugged, kissed and enjoyed physically by their wives. Did you grow up without any of your physical intimacy needs being met? Many people do. If so, you may have a deficit in the area of physical touch, as well as a skewed perception of the value of physical touch."
"The importance of physical touch in marriage may also play a medicinal role, since touch has been shown to reduce stress and relieve pain. A healthy relationship, which includes physical contact between a husband and wife, can be the most bonding, emotionally intimate experience in life.
"They will not continue to ask for physical touch, or make an effort, if they know there is a good chance of being turned away, or even made to feel ashamed of their efforts. No husband likes to be called a pervert, and no woman likes to be thought of as desperate or clingy.
"This little scenario puts the marriage on slippery ice. If one spouse has a huge need for affection, but he or she is not getting it from the other spouse, where will he turn? He might get some affection from children, family, or friends, but his emotional “love tank” (Dr. Chapman’s term) will not be filled. Without physical touch, that spouse is then extremely vulnerable to falling for someone else who will meet his needs." READ THE REST
So, beginning today make a conscience effort to touch and be more affectionate with your husband on a regular basis. There's so many good reasons to do so!
Congratulations! You've made it through 3 weeks, and that's fantastic! There's a long held principle that 21 Days of doing anything creates a new habit or change. But more on that in a minute.
How did Day 20 -
- Pray Together go? I hope you took a little time to read some of the articles and resources available on this subject, whether praying together is already something you do, or not. Good stuff.
Okay, for today...
DAY 21: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Assess Where You're At
There's some controversy over the 'science' of sticking to a new goal for 21 days to gain a new habit or changed behavior. It started probably in the '70's with the book, "Psycho-Cybernetics."
But, whether it takes 21 days or 31 days or 101 days or longer, this is true -- when you stay with a goal; when you continue to invest in the things you value -- change does occur.
There's even an App to help you track and encourage you in your resolve. Check out HabitForge :)
You know that whether it's a diet you're on or a fitness program you've started, or any other 'new thing' you are putting into practice, that assessing how you are doing/where you are at is an important part in realizing success in the endeavor. And that is what today's suggestion is all about.
I have to admit it, I am a list person...it's the only way I can keep all the balls in the air. It helps me remove all the 'have to dos' from my brain and be free to give the attention I need to whatever is at hand.
So, today is the day to go over the list of the past 20 Days to see how you're doing, (you might want to print it out) over a cup of coffee or tea (mine is a Chai Latte), and assess how you've done. Check off the things you've done; highlight the things you haven't done yet; and then resolve to do those today, or if there are several, this week, to catch up.
No worries where you are at...today is a new day and a fresh opportunity to pick it up again. As Duane likes to remember me, when I need encouragement in continuing to press forward on a goal like dieting or fitness, "It's not where you've been, it's where you're going, that counts."
You've been investing in your marriage over the past 3 weeks, and anything that you've done to plant good things will bear fruit.
That's it! Assess and press on! :)
And I'll see you tomorrow.
How did Day 19 -
- Dream Together go? That's something I hope you never stop doing.
Okay, for today...
DAY 20: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Pray Together
As we talked about on Day 13 worshipping together is a good thing to do for your marriage, as the stats show. And as the saying goes, "Life will keep you on your toes, and on your knees!" So today's suggestion is to pray together.
There is nothing like getting to know the inner-most heart of your spouse through praying together. You learn what is of concern to him, how he intimately relates to God personally, and more. Prayer is powerful in so many ways.
If this is a new thing to you as a couple, no worries, it may take a little time to get doing it together, especially if one or both of you are 'private' personalities. But, I highly recommend to do it and keep on doing it, and it won't take long before you both are comfortable with it. Trust me on this.
Now, if your spouse does not embrace the idea, don't push it. Instead, set aside time to pray for your spouse and your marriage. And try again later.
That's it! And here are a few reasons and resources you might like to check out on making prayer a part of your marriage.
1. How do We Pray Together? Dr. James Dobson, Focus on the Family
2. The Five Benefits of Praying Together: Laced by Grace -- Strengthens the Bond of Marriage; Encourages Unity; Promotes Emotional Intimacy; Invites God into your Marriage; Prayer Changes Marriage.
3. What Happens When Couples Pray Together: We've Never Prayed Together Before; I Suck at Praying; What Marital Prayer is.
4. Who Me, Pray? ...with Her?: Why Bother, Where do We Start? and more.
Prayer also gets you through the storms of life.
Many couples have found benefits of praying together. Here's a picture of a young Marine praying with his bride before the wedding ceremony. It went viral on the internet, and you can read the story here.
There are stats that show that 'the couple that prays together, stays together,' and are happier, thus is part of 31 Days to a Great Marriage.
Remember, praying is not complicated, it's just talking to God.
Hi!
So what did you do for Day 18 -
- Do Something New? After hopefully having a fun and relaxing time together, the stage is set for today's suggestion which is to...
DAY 19: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Dream Together - If you and your husband were like Duane and I when we were first married, you loved to dream together about the future. Remember? Maybe you still do, and that's fantastic! But if you are like most couples the dreaming fades into the rigors and realities of every day life. But it doesn't have to!
Here's just a few things that dreaming together can do for a couple...
1. Just as dreaming together was part of the 'woo' in the beginning of your relationship, to find out that you had the same interests, values and goals; dreaming is part of the 'glue' that helps hold your marriage together by working together toward common goals.
2. Dreaming gives purpose to everyday life.
3. It helps you 'enter' into each other's dreams - it knits your hearts together. See more on this at Women Living Well.
4. It helps keep the 'wonder' alive in a marriage. See My Dreams, Your Dreams, Our Dreams.
5. No matter what your age, dreaming should never stop, and it is never too late to dream together again. It helps keep you and your relationship young and forward looking. Marriage in Retirement has some good things on that.
So, today...set aside time to dream together. And if you want a little help with 'how' see the Women Living Well link in #3.
That's it!
Sweet Dreams :)
Hi everyone,
Well, how was Day 17 -
- Dress for Him? Today is the perfect day to put that suggestion into practice...it's the weekend and a good chance you'll go on your date night!
And to go along with that today's suggestion is to...
DAY 18: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Try Something New
Go somewhere to eat or do something you've not done before on date night!
Duane and I incorporated this into our date nights something like this:
One week we'll go out to dinner and a movie (something he loves to do); the next week we'll have date night at home (lots of fun and creative ideas at sites like the Dating Divas); the next week we try a restaurant we've never been to before; and the fourth week we'll do something we've never done, ie go to an outdoor concert in the wine country or visit a part of our area we've never been for night-time sight-seeing, etc.
That's it!
Mix it up! Keep it fresh! And have a great date night this weekend!
How was Day 16 -
- Use Good Resources? Did you find some great ideas?
Today we touch on what some might think is a 'touchy' subject, but the suggestion is to...
DAY 17: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Dress for Him
I know, I know...he should love you no matter what you look like...and he does. But! is that the attitude you had when you were dating? My guess is, no. You were excited to dress up in anticipation of seeing him. You wanted to look your best.
Of course, it's what's in the heart that matters -- that makes a woman truly beautiful or not -- but it is sad to say that some, not all, women let themselves go, appearance-wise. They no longer put on make-up, update their hairstyle, dress in ways that are attractive to their husbands, etc.
Some let putting on a few extra pounds or aging or their busy lives lull them into sleep, so to speak, from keeping themselves looking nice for their husband. You may not think this is that important, but keep in mind that men are visual. Your looks won't make him love you more, but by looking nice for him it communicates you care...about yourself, and about him.
So, beginning today embrace the attitude you had when you were dating and dress for him -- your hair, make-up, clothes, etc. And you can simply pay attention to what he compliments you on for clues.
Whether you are someone who has let this slip, or someone who has not, there's something about sprucing ourselves up, trying a new look, etc., that makes us feel good. And that is never a bad thing!
I ran across a website by a make-up artist, Cara, who does a great job of showing lots of fun ways to apply and update make-up, hairstyles, fashion, etc., that you might enjoy. Her site is MaskCara.com
Have fun!
How did you do on Day 15 -- Find the Happy Spot -
go over the list of "10 Things Happy Couples Do Differently" together? There are lots of lists and ideas out there, some good and some not so good, but I've found several websites and blogs that are good for sparking new ideas , and thoughts regarding marriage to ponder.
So, today's suggestion for a Great Marriage is to...
DAY 16: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Use Good Resources
Here's a short list of good ones, some I've already recommended in other Days. Of course, you can search for more, but here's a start:
1. Happy Wives Club
2. We Are That Family
3. Mom Life Today
4. Family Share
5. Dr. James Dobson
6. Lots more on my Pinterest Page
So, beginning today, I encourage you to regularly use resources from good sources to help you stay focused on investing intentionally in your marriage every day.
That's it! See you tomorrow :)
After yesterday Day 12 -- Take the Day Off, it's time to turn to a subject you may or may not embrace at first, because you may think of yourself as a 'non-religious person.' But, before you pass over today's suggestion please consider this...Couples that worship together have happier, longer marriages.
So, today's suggestion for a Great Marriage is to...
DAY 13: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Worship Together
Just look at these statistics:
#1 - According to Sociologist Brad Wilcox...
"Based on my earlier research, evangelical women tend to be happier in their marriages than other women, particularly when both the wife and the husband attend church on a regular basis. This idea that Christians are just as likely to divorce as secular folks is not correct if we factor church attendance into our thinking. Churchgoing evangelical Protestants, churchgoing Catholics, and churchgoing mainline Protestants are all significantly less likely to divorce. . . . between 35 and 50 percent less likely than Americans who attend church just nominally, just once or twice a year, or who don't attend church at all. It is true that people who say they've had a born-again experience are about as likely to divorce as people who are completely secular. But if you look at this through the lens of church attendance, you see a very different story."
#2 - Couples who say that “God is the center of our marriage,” are 26 percent more likely than all other Christians to claim to be “Very Happy” in marriage = 76% of husbands and 77% of wives. And only 1% claim a 'proneness' toward divorce.
Click here for bigger view
#3 - According to Christianity Today...
"The 'How's the Family?' report from the Evangelical Alliance also found that Christians were highly likely to accept outside help and advice to keep their marriages healthy. Over half of the married evangelicals surveyed had taken part in formal marriage preparation, while 29 per cent had sought help in their marriage, with the top three reasons being communication difficulties, infidelity, and sexual problems. Steve Clifford, general director of the Evangelical Alliance, said, “Families aren’t always easy to live with but Christians do seem to have a high level of commitment to making them work. The message this research gives us is that most Christian couples refuse to simply walk away from relationships when they get tough. They are not afraid to seek help from professionals and advice from their church, family and friends. Christian marriages are not perfect but they show fewer signs of following the cultural trend of giving up and separating." (read the rest)
Well, there you have it.
And for the record, the statistics that say Christians have the same divorce rate as non-religious people represent those who say they are Christians; whereas these stats show that couples who have God in the center of their lives...they have happier and successful marriages.
So, beginning this week...worship together...at least once a week. You'll be able to judge the tree, whether it is good or not, by its fruit in your lives.
