Hi everyone,Nesting Place held its "31 Days" challenge, and my contribution was "31 Days to a Great Marriage," and I'd like to share it with you.
After many years (50 to be exact) of marriage my husband, Duane and I, have learned a few things about what can not only make marriage a life-long blessing, but help a husband and wife get through some of the greatest challenges, greatest adventures, greatest heartaches, and just plain life experiences we all go through, and have them work together for good. This has been the case for us, and hopefully, what we've learned can bless your marriage.
So, begin here...
Index to 31 Days to a Great Marriage, for free.
How 31 Days to a Great Marriage works...
As you will note, the last post is Day 31, therefore to begin at the beginning (each day builds on the other) here is how to use this site as a resource to help your marriage become Great or Greater!
1. Start at the Index page using the tab above, which lists each Day by Title, and begin with Day 1.
2. Then follow along one day at a time.
3. Do the suggested 'activities'.
That's it!
Congratulations on being intentional on building your marriage!
P.S. In case you are wondering about who I am, here's a brief bio: I'm a wife, mother and now grandmother; I'm a radio talk show host and founder of The Center for Changing Worldviews, which works to educate on the cultural changes happening in our world that are tearing down the family, faith and our nation. I believe women have a very vital role to play in making a difference, and I love working with and encouraging women in their efforts. This site is obviously geared to strengthen marriages, which will strengthen families and ultimately nations. So enjoy and let me know what you think.
Well, you made it! Day 31 is here and that means today is...
DAY 31: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #3 'Til Death Do Us Part
This final wedding vow: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward...'til death do us part.
To have (you are the one I will go through life with forever)
To hold (embrace & cling to every day of our lives)
From this day forward (beginning now) and until...
'Til Death Do Us Part
It's what we all want, right? "And they lived happily ever after." Of course, there are situations where wedding vows are broken and divorce happens. This was the case with my mother and father. Both of them came from very dysfunctional families. There was a lot of abuse that they both experienced, and they entered into their marriage both broken people. Mix that with two wars my father was part of, a very sick child (my older sister contracted encephalitis at the age of 2 and was hospitalized until her adult years), well...you get the picture.
But, real life situations like this and others, do not mean divorce is imminent. As a matter of fact, I agree with marriage expert, Jimmy Evans, author of "When Life Hurts" and "Lifelong Love Affair" at marriagetoday.com that anyone can have a marriage that gets better, no matter what life throws at them...if they will let God help them work through the pain. He says, we have to deal with pain the right way, and that left to our own devices we always deal with it in the wrong way.
Evans' insights into Untreated Wounds and Inner Vows are very good, and I believe that if my parents had had resources such as these there could have been a different outcome for them.
Marriage is the longest contractual agreement (commitment) we will ever make or have. And we can be successful in keeping it...'til death do us part'...with the right help from good, reliable sources such as I've included each day of our 31 Days to a Great Marriage together...and from God.
So, today set up a time to reaffirm your love vows to each other, in some way. You can make it a big affair, (some couples renew their vows on their anniversary), or it can be an intimate time with the two of you simply telling each other of your love for one another, again.
I hope you will use/revisit these 31 Days to a Great Marriage ideas and suggestions from 'this day forward.' If you've been with me throughout this time, you have seen the results and benefits...which can only continue to increase as you apply them to, and invest in, your marriage. If you do, I am confident that you will have a Great Marriage...that will last a lifetime.
Congratulations!
I'd love to hear from you about your journey via email @ sharon@changingworldviews.com.
Thanks for traveling on this journey with me (and Duane) :)
Only a couple of days to go on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage journey!
As we said yesterday on Day 29 -
- we're focusing on our Wedding Vows for the last few days, and that means today is...
DAY 30: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #2 For Richer for Poorer / In Sickness & in Health
Whether you recited traditional vows at your wedding, or your own vows, the next promise expresses: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
Years of experiencial-knowledge have helped to hone the elements of traditional marriage vows, capturing the most important areas that will need a pledged commitment; which are reflected in most other wedding vows, too. And Finances and Health are two such areas.
To have (you are the one I will go through life with)
To hold (embrace & cling to in everything we go through)
From this day forward (everyday from now) including...
For Richer for Poorer / In Sickness & in Health
As we talked about on Day 22 - Agree on Finances -- Finances are at the top of the list of the causes for arguments and strain in a marriage. That's why your commitment... allegiance, fidelity, constancy, dedication, devotedness, faithfulness, loyalty, steadfastness... made on the day you said "I do," must be taken seriously when it comes to money (and health) -- throughout your marriage.
Very few have a continually easy road when it comes to finances, ie no worries about debt, paying the bills, etc. That means that finances will try both of you at some point, and to varying degrees, guaranteed. But, the more you structure your attitudes around your commitment, the smoother the ride will be.
If finances are an area of difficulty in your marriage, I suggest you go back over Day 22 and utilize the resource links listed there. Do whatever you need to do to get on the same page with your spouse in your finances; and that may include getting some professional financial help.
Sickness, prolonged, can put tremendous strain on a family and marriage. But, it can also be an opportunity to express your committed love (including attitude) in very tangible ways.
It always shocks (and grieves) me to hear of stories, for instance, of men who leave their wives when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. There's so much I could say about that, but won't, except that it makes the case that sickness tests commitment.
That's why our wedding, the whole event, leads to and centers around those few moments when we verbalize our commitment to each other before family, friends and God.... witnesses to our vows who will also be witnesses to our commitment.
So, today, individually and as a couple reflect on the above thoughts, and assess where your attitude and/or commitment may need refurbishing, (to make clean, bright, or fresh again; renovate).
And you might want to check out DaleandJena.com for their "Let's Get Real" marriage video resources and more. They even have Bible Studies for couples on really real issues.
So, that's it! See you tomorrow for Day 31!
Okay only a couple of days to go on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage journey!
And as we looked at on Day 28 -
- we're going to focus on our Wedding Vows for the remaining days.
Today the focus is...
DAY 29: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #1 For Better or for Worse
No matter if you recited traditional vows at your wedding, or your own vows, the first promise to focus on is the one that expresses: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse.
I love the "to have and to hold" part & "from this day forward" as it relates to "for better or for worse."
To have (you are mine)
To hold (embrace, cling to)
From this day forward (beginning now and for forever)
For better or for worse (no matter what comes our way)
This is the test of commitment. Everyone can do 'for better'; but -- 'for worse'?
But, 'better or worse' is not the real focus. "I take you...to have and to hold...from this day forward," is the focus. These are the words that are the cemented foundation for all the words (vows) that follow.
It's like when I got my driver's license years ago. I decided ahead of time that every time I come to a red light I will stop. Period. That meant that I wouldn't have to decide every time I came to a red light whether I was going to stop or not. Decision already made.
It's the same with our wedding vows. Decision made ahead of time.
So, today, individually and as a couple reflect on the above, and assess whether your attitude and/or commitment needs refurbishing, (to make clean, bright, or fresh again; renovate).
As we talked about on Day 2: Check Your Feelings, if you find yourself weaker in your commitment, there's a reason or reasons. Today is the day to begin to look at them and then work on doing whatever you need to do to remedy the situation.
After all, this is part of the 'for better or for worse' vow you made. And it may take some time. That's okay! Refurbishing always takes some time...but the end result is worth it.
You might find Gary Smalley's ER4Love helpful.
Until tomorrow :)
Congratulations! You've made it through 3 weeks, and that's fantastic! There's a long held principle that 21 Days of doing anything creates a new habit or change. But more on that in a minute.
How did Day 20 -
- Pray Together go? I hope you took a little time to read some of the articles and resources available on this subject, whether praying together is already something you do, or not. Good stuff.
Okay, for today...
DAY 21: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Assess Where You're At
There's some controversy over the 'science' of sticking to a new goal for 21 days to gain a new habit or changed behavior. It started probably in the '70's with the book, "Psycho-Cybernetics."
But, whether it takes 21 days or 31 days or 101 days or longer, this is true -- when you stay with a goal; when you continue to invest in the things you value -- change does occur.
There's even an App to help you track and encourage you in your resolve. Check out HabitForge :)
You know that whether it's a diet you're on or a fitness program you've started, or any other 'new thing' you are putting into practice, that assessing how you are doing/where you are at is an important part in realizing success in the endeavor. And that is what today's suggestion is all about.
I have to admit it, I am a list person...it's the only way I can keep all the balls in the air. It helps me remove all the 'have to dos' from my brain and be free to give the attention I need to whatever is at hand.
So, today is the day to go over the list of the past 20 Days to see how you're doing, (you might want to print it out) over a cup of coffee or tea (mine is a Chai Latte), and assess how you've done. Check off the things you've done; highlight the things you haven't done yet; and then resolve to do those today, or if there are several, this week, to catch up.
No worries where you are at...today is a new day and a fresh opportunity to pick it up again. As Duane likes to remember me, when I need encouragement in continuing to press forward on a goal like dieting or fitness, "It's not where you've been, it's where you're going, that counts."
You've been investing in your marriage over the past 3 weeks, and anything that you've done to plant good things will bear fruit.
That's it! Assess and press on! :)
And I'll see you tomorrow.
How did you do on Day 15 -- Find the Happy Spot -
go over the list of "10 Things Happy Couples Do Differently" together? There are lots of lists and ideas out there, some good and some not so good, but I've found several websites and blogs that are good for sparking new ideas , and thoughts regarding marriage to ponder.
So, today's suggestion for a Great Marriage is to...
DAY 16: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Use Good Resources
Here's a short list of good ones, some I've already recommended in other Days. Of course, you can search for more, but here's a start:
1. Happy Wives Club
2. We Are That Family
3. Mom Life Today
4. Family Share
5. Dr. James Dobson
6. Lots more on my Pinterest Page
So, beginning today, I encourage you to regularly use resources from good sources to help you stay focused on investing intentionally in your marriage every day.
That's it! See you tomorrow :)
