Okay only a couple of days to go on this 31 Days to a Great Marriage journey!
And as we looked at on Day 28 -
- we're going to focus on our Wedding Vows for the remaining days.
Today the focus is...
DAY 29: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Vow #1 For Better or for Worse
No matter if you recited traditional vows at your wedding, or your own vows, the first promise to focus on is the one that expresses: I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse.
I love the "to have and to hold" part & "from this day forward" as it relates to "for better or for worse."
To have (you are mine)
To hold (embrace, cling to)
From this day forward (beginning now and for forever)
For better or for worse (no matter what comes our way)
This is the test of commitment. Everyone can do 'for better'; but -- 'for worse'?
But, 'better or worse' is not the real focus. "I take you...to have and to hold...from this day forward," is the focus. These are the words that are the cemented foundation for all the words (vows) that follow.
It's like when I got my driver's license years ago. I decided ahead of time that every time I come to a red light I will stop. Period. That meant that I wouldn't have to decide every time I came to a red light whether I was going to stop or not. Decision already made.
It's the same with our wedding vows. Decision made ahead of time.
So, today, individually and as a couple reflect on the above, and assess whether your attitude and/or commitment needs refurbishing, (to make clean, bright, or fresh again; renovate).
As we talked about on Day 2: Check Your Feelings, if you find yourself weaker in your commitment, there's a reason or reasons. Today is the day to begin to look at them and then work on doing whatever you need to do to remedy the situation.
After all, this is part of the 'for better or for worse' vow you made. And it may take some time. That's okay! Refurbishing always takes some time...but the end result is worth it.
You might find Gary Smalley's ER4Love helpful.
Until tomorrow :)
Ahhhh...the fine art of listening.
Who doesn't appreciate and love being listened to?
But, isn't it funny how we all like to be listened to, but not necessarily want to, or make an effort to, listen (really listen) to others, including our spouses?
Our culture produces not just packed and fast-paced lives, but disconnected lives. Even with all the texting, social networking, etc., communication in daily life has become surface for the most part, what I like to call the 'pass the salt and pepper' level.
Listening is truly an art. Unfortunately it has become a lost art.
But, before we get into that more, how did you do with Day 5 -- Relaxing together? If you weren't able to, that's okay, do it today. It will tie in well with today's suggestion to...
DAY 6: TO A GREAT MARRIAGE - Listen
I'm not going to line out the reasons we should listen to each other...they are pretty obvious. But I do want to encourage you to make a deliberate effort to listen.
Let me ask you a couple of questions:
1. How much do you really know about your spouse's work? Not just the people he works with, but details about what happened and how exactly he does what he does, etc.? Our jobs are such a HUGE part of our lives, especially for men.
Showing interest in our spouse's work on a regular basis by asking questions beyond the standard, "How was work today," to sincere, specific questions about their latest project, deal, meeting, etc. is part of what makes a great marriage. Asking and listening validates and connects.
2. How much do you know about the things he is interested in? Does he love to golf? Fish? Watch football, baseball, build with his hands, watch the stock market, etc.?
I have a girlfriend who regularly plays golf with her husband. I asked her if she liked it and she said, "It's okay. I do it because he likes me to go with him." I was so struck with her genuine love-attitude about it, that it made me think about how many times Duane has mentioned he'd love for me to go fishing with him.
So, you guessed it, I decided to do just that. The result? Not many fish on my line, at least not yet...but loads of fun times together of him teaching me how to cast a fly rod, etc....and the real joy for me? He is so happy doing it together! I mean soooo happy.
Okay, so beginning today make a deliberate, conscious effort to ask questions and then listen about your spouse's job and the things they are interested in. You are going to learn a lot more about your husband, and will find him (probably sooner than later) reciprocating with questions about your day and interests more -- and you know you want that, right? :)
Sincere listening is an endearing quality.
Maybe that's why God gave us only one mouth and two ears...hmmmmm
